More Than Just an Editor

Literary Fiction

I’ve assisted numerous authors edit and revise everything from novellas and short stories to long manuscripts and concise children’s books. Whether you need developmental edits to clarify your organization and thinking, copy edits to clean up your prose, or line editing to spruce up your sentences, I can help you sharpen your writing so that you deliver a polished final manuscript you’ll be proud to put your name on.

Fiction Sample before Editing

I leave my apartment to walk my dog, Dakota, on West Drive between 86th and 87th street as I always do after work. I make my living as a poissonnier (aka fish chef) at an upscale farm to table restaurant.  (I use the French word to describe my profession as a front, especially around vegetarians.) Unfortunately, working in the food industry only allows for my dog’s final walk of the day to be in the dark. Although, we do make good use of our quality time together: I smoke a cigarette, and she does a lanky trot ahead of me, pausing to sniff the ground as if she’s found buried treasure in Central Park. It’s been drizzling today, which gives the old blanket of snow a crunch beneath my steps. I let Dakota off the leash, she crouches low, rapt in concentration, and watches me pack a snowball, knowing it will be soon be thrown into the distance—just for her. Disappearing into the haze, she chases my fastball. Following the misty light of the park lampposts, I walk over the hill to find her, while rubbing my sore shoulder.

“Dakota!” I call out.

A whimper answers me. I can’t tell if it’s human or dog, but I walk faster in the direction of the sound. I spot Dakota sitting motionless on top of a mound of snow. As I approach her, I notice that peeking out of the snow is a human nose. Dakota curiously licks (at?) it. In (slow?) disbelief, I kneel down to get a better look

“Are you okay?” I ask.

Breaking through the crust of snow, thick eyelashes flutter as if they want to answer me. I brush the snow away to reveal a forehead, then cheeks, then a chin, and finally lips. I’ve unearthed a face so beautiful that I feel weak. Her skin is the same color of the silky dark ganache that the pastry chefs make at the restaurant.

I guess it might have been my jealously that usurped my better judgement, or that the last time I had been this close to a female was when I invited the UPS delivery woman upstairs to my apartment. (She left after one drink telling me that couldn’t wait to let her husband know about the new craft beer she had tasted.) I can’t control over the force that pulls my face closer to hers. Our steamy exhales infuse, and I realize that I’m so close that it would be rude not to kiss her. She tastes like cake. I sense her eyes opening, and lips stiffening (in order?) to push my mouth away.

Fiction Sample after editing

I leave my apartment to walk my dog on West Drive between 86th and 87th street as I always do after work. I make my living as a poissonnier at an upscale farm to table restaurant. I use the French word to describe my profession as a front, especially around vegetarians, though many of them do eat fish. Working in the food industry means my dog’s final walk of the day is in the dark, but we make good use of our time together: I smoke a cigarette, and she does a lanky trot ahead of me, pausing to sniff the ground as if she’s found buried treasure in Central Park. It’s been drizzling today, which gives the old blanket of snow a crunch beneath my steps. I let Dakota off the leash and she crouches low in rapt concentration, watching me pack a snowball that she knows will soon be thrown into the distance. She chases my toss, disappearing into the haze. I follow the misty light of the park lampposts over the hill to find her, rubbing my sore shoulder as I take a final drag.

“Dakota!” I call out.

A whimper answers me. I can’t tell if it’s human or dog, but I walk faster in the direction of the sound. I spot Dakota sitting motionless on top of a mound of snow. As I approach her, I notice that peeking out of the snow is a human nose. Dakota tentatively licks its bridge, then carefully checks each nostril. In disbelief I kneel down to get a better look.

Breaking through the crust of snow, thick eyelashes stiffly flutter. I brush the snow away to reveal a forehead, cheeks, a chin, and finally lips. I’ve unearthed a face so beautiful I feel physically weak. Her skin is the same color of the silky dark ganache that the pastry chefs make at the restaurant.

My desire began to usurp my better judgement, or maybe it was simply that the last time I had been this close to a female was when I invited the UPS delivery woman into my apartment. I can’t control the force that pulls my face closer. I realize that I’m so close that it would be rude not to kiss her. She tastes like cake. her eyes open and lips stiffen, both unmistakably pushing me away.

Young Adult Fiction

Over the past twenty years I’ve worked with a number of writers helping them edit their narratives for their readers. Whether it’s cleaning up choppy dialogue or fine-tuning description, I’m there to help authors craft their stories so that they shine on the page.

Sample Fiction Edits

When the set rolled in I paddled hard but barely moved. This board was thinner than I was used to. It wasn’t , too thin, not bulky enough to get good generate speed, and I knew that if I didn’t do something soon I wasn’t going to grab the wave--I was going to eat it. Panic began to rise inside of me and, I started to paddled wildly. The thrust of the waves and the sluggishness of my board movement forced me to slip forward, but then I felt the tick. That moment when the board catches in the wave and is pulled back before spitting you out for the ride. I grabbed the rails as nerves made way for giddiness. I leaped to my feet, forward on the board like I had been practicing.

At the time I didn’t realize that The rest was a blur of tangled hair, sea salt, and a screeching Noah. my wild paddling had moved me off center, pushing the causing the nose to dive downward ever so slightly. But in surfing ever so slightly might as well be code for “you are going to eat it.” What happened next was a blur of tangled hair, sea salt, and Noah yelling for me from what seemed to be a great distance away.

# # #

My shoulder hit the reef first. Razor-like coral took a bite out of my left arm before the wave collapsed on my head, forcing smooshing me deeper into the reef under water and dragging scraping the entire left side of my body across its sharpened blades. Instinct curled me into a ball to protect my head and face, but the wave was not done with me.  Round and round I went before it spitting me out onto soft sand, that letting me know I had finally cleared the reef. 

I’ve helped authors craft their thoughts on every imaginable topic, from books about talking vegetables to stories from history to narratives for science learning. If you need help with your organizing the flow of your ideas or just need a second set of eyes on your paragraphs and sentences, you’ve come to the right place.

CHILDREN’S FICTION SAMPLE BEFORE REVISIONS

As the sun started to fall in the sky, I passed a long-tailed white mouse on my journey, who shouted, “don’t get yourself into trouble!” as I scampered past her.

When the sun had descended a bit lower and the sky began to dusken, I hurried by a speckled owl just emerging from his sleep. “Beware the dark!” he yelled at me from the treetops.

I reached the den just when the sun had disappeared completely and twilight had arrived. The crunchy leaves beneath my feet were all that was to be heard in the forest.

Even as I peered through the mouth of the cave into the darkness, I kept telling myself I wasn’t afraid, not one bit. 

And there they are! I spot the berries in a familiar corner of the den, right where I knew they would be. I take a bite into a big juicy one and the wonderful flavor fills my mouth.

And another and another until I can’t eat any more berries! My tummy is happy and full.

Then comes the rustling and bustling in the bushes just outside the den. A bitter shiver starts in my snout and runs all the way through my tail. Every single tiny voice in my head is telling me to hide, so that’s what I do. 

In he silently prowls . . . the old gray fox, with his teeth so sharp and his eyes so round like the silver moon in the sky. 

CHILDREN’S FICTION SAMPLE AFTER REVISIONS

“As the sun started to fall in the sky, I scampered past a long-tailed white mouse on my journey who shouted, ‘Don’t get yourself into trouble!’.

“When the sun had descended a bit lower and the sky began to darken, I hurried by a speckled owl just emerging from his sleep. ‘Beware the dark!’ he bellowed at me from the treetops.”

“I reached the den just when the sun had disappeared completely and twilight had arrived. The crunch of leaves beneath my feet was the only sound in the forest.”

“Even as I peered through the mouth of the cave into the darkness, I kept telling myself I wasn’t afraid, not one bit.”

And then I spotted the berries inside, right where I knew they would be. I took a bite into a big juicy one and the wonderful flavor filled my mouth.”

“I had another and another until I could not eat even one more berry! My tummy was happy and full.”

“But then came a rustling and a bustling in the bushes just outside the den. A shiver started in my snout and ran all the way down through my tail. A tiny voice in my head told me to hide, so that’s what I did.”

“The old gray fox entered, silently prowling with his teeth like knives and his eyes shining like the silver moon in the sky.”